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Monday, April 29, 2013

Tebow, God, and THE Question


What does Tim Tebow DO after he's cut from a team?  Let's just say he's got perrks...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Star Trek Chow Down



Perhaps the new Star Trek flick might have a re-creation of the famous Romulan Cafe scene from the episode "Kirk's Klingon Pie", as shown above.

Or not...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Hooligan Youth Keys New Aston Martin... Nobody Cares

At the unveiling (at the very least, the San Fernando Valley unveiling) of the 2014 Aston Martin Rapide S, I witnessed an act of unbridled aggression so heinous, so brutal and non-classifiable, that it deserves mention within the annals of this blog.

Just after the uncloaking of the new Aston super sedan, which was just after an hourlong sermon from Speed Channel's Justin Bell about... well.... himself (typical Brit), which was just after gorging myself on whores -- check that... hors devours, I found myself instigating one of those Hollywood double takes you find in select Rob Schneider flicks and old Keystone Cops shorts. It was unbelievable. 12 hours later, as I write this, I STILL can't believe it.

Some fool let an 8 year old hooligan into the event, and a sparkling new $220,000 super sedan paid the price.

It was just after the cover came off the Rapide S, a 550 bhp quad door rocket ship, that the pint sized punk approached from the port side, whipped out what appeared to be a small pocket knife, blurted "Ireland!!!" and gutted the paint off the pig's right rear door. He then spat on it, and casually trotted off toward the yummies table to feast on tarts and pie.

Many people witnessed it. Nobody cared.

I honestly believed most thought it to be an inclusion of the proceedings. Some, who did not directly note the act, mentioned something about "shoddy British build quality". One woman even went so far as to point at the gouge, look at her sugar daddy, and ask, "What does that do?"

Later, I approach the child, apparent by this time to be a loner, as he whaled away at destroying the yummies kiosk of anything chocolate-based. I asked why he'd pull a stunt like that.

His response, which wasn't much of a response at all, after spitting on my shoes, "I'm covering my paws with melted chocolate. Then I'm hitting up the inside of that 350 grand Vanquish and ruining that bitch! And nobody's gonna care because I'm a kid and I know no better. Ain't that the tits an milk, ay!!!!"

The innocence of childhood. I miss those days.




Friday, April 12, 2013

A Man, a Shirt, a Producer, and a Cell Phone sit at a bar...



For nearly 30 posts. I have yet to squawk about my own projects and/or products, leaving the writing and cartooning on the side of pure entertainment. So please excuse my unabased rudeness for just a singular post, as to toot my own horn about something that's available at beelinemedia.com.

A Man, a Shirt, a Producer, and a Cell Phone sit at a bar...

It sounds like the beginning of a stupid joke.... and it would be, if YOU are the man (or woman), you're wearing the shirt, and that shirt ISN'T the "imdbme" tee.  Why?

How is the producer (with the cell phone) supposed to gain the knowledge that YOU are in the industry?  Unless you can read minds, can recognize each one of the thousands of faces in Hollywood of whom can hire you, love to speak about yourself to an imaginary friend, or play solitaire with copies of your resume (and if an actor, headshots as well), that big-time player might NEVER know who you are.  Instead of gain your big break, he (or she) is breaking for the exit -- especially if you're speaking to that imaginary person.  If that's the case, a $20 shirt ain't helping you much, I assure you.

With the imdbme shirt, this will no longer be an issue (the notice, not the insanity).  Just write you're name into the white box -- just like those ol' PhysEd shirts back in high school -- and let the shirt do the introducing.  In minutes, he or she is using their smartphone to better the world... by looking YOU up.

And, it's BLACK, so it matches your tight black jeans and white shoes perfectly.  

Here's where you go...

http://www.btoons.com/imdbme_shirt.html

This is what you do...

Pay money.

Here's what you'll receive...

A shiny new shirt (Sharpie not included)

Then you...

Write your name, project, or company on it.

And....

Awesome magic happens. You have to trust me on this last part.