FUN WITH MATH: I Told Him "A Million Times" Equals Exactly What?

I was grabbing a quick bite at an In N Out on Washington today when I overheard the girl sitting behind me (“overheard” as in “really had no choice”) engaged in a phone conversation with (presumably) her UltraBFF. In this simplistic tirade of simple terms that would make Donald Trump appear a Rhodes Scholar, she uttered these words: “Ohmygawd. I, like looked at him and said, I told you a million times....” In fact, several moments later, she said it again.... and again.......and again. It was at this moment I wondered: I’ve heard people say this so often, and it never crossed my mind: How long, exactly, WOULD it take to tell somebody something a “million times”?

The obvious choice might be “forever”. 1,000,000 is a massive number. So, I had little choice but to embark on a Math Adventure to figure out this suddenly all-consuming quest for knowledge. How long, exactly, would this 16 year old have to say whatever she “told him” to reach the magic million?

Let’s find out:

First, let’s assume the “told you”, or TY, takes ten (10) seconds to speak-- something to the order of “Like, ohmygawd, you know I love pink and hate purple because Jenna Peterson likes purple and I, like, hate her sooooooo much”. That’s about ten seconds (if not, add another “like” or two).

So, TY = 10 sec. That’s 6TY/minute. 60 min/h would then be 6TYx60=360 TY/hr.

24hr/day (d) would then be 360TY/hr x 24/hr = 8640 TY/d. Without a break -- no almond milk latte, or yoga, or even breathing -- she can fit a maximum of 8640 “told you’s” in to a 24 hour period of time.

The magic number is 1,000,000, so to find out how much time it would take, we divide one million by 8640.... which is a full day of TY.

This equals 115.740740740740 (I suppose -740 infinity). So, let’s round that up to 115.75.

It would take the girl, non-stop with no breaks, 115 days and 18 hours to say whatever she “told him” a million times. A human can go three weeks without food, and a week without water (not to mention phone battery life and dude simply just walking the fuck away). Which means, unless she’s an android, this is physically impossible.

Unless she spaced the 115.75 days out over a vast amount of time. However, I simply cannot fathom a girl who bookends each sentence with “ohmygawd” and uses “like” as preposition, conjunction, and adverb in a ten second span of grammatical brilliance to understand simple math and, in a split second, apply said math on the fly... mid-thought!

Nope nope nope..... nope. Not gonna happen.

Never thought In N Out Burger could be so enlightening.

Did Trump Just DO What I THINK He Did??? Holy %$#@&!!!!

I'm not cracking any more jokes about one Donald J. trump. In one amazing Sunday, he basically told ABC News that Putin will NOT go in to Ukraine, even though he already DID -- in 2014. When pressed, he blamed Obama's connections with NATO. WHAT THE FUCK kind of answer is THAT???

Then, he complains (on the same day) about two of the Presidential debates coinciding with nationally televised NFL games (home games for the Falcons and the Packers). He said he got a letter from the NFL stating the NFL thinks this is "ridiculous". The debate schedule came out LAST YEAR, and the NFL schedule came out EARLIER THIS YEAR. Nonetheless, he blamed the Clinton campaign with tampering. The NFL states they never sent a letter, and everyone on planet Earth who gives a damn about football or politics have KNOWN about both schedules for some time.

So, let's recap. Donald trump had NO IDEA the world event known as the Russian invasion of the Crimean Peninsula ever occurred, even though it dominated world media for over a month, and he didn't know both the debates and a major sports league schedule their event WAAAAYYYY in advance.

I don't care if you're a Republican. Just eat it for four years, rebuild, and come out of the gates swinging in 2020. trump is NOT a Republican. He's an arrogant piece of unholy shit who's had his way his entire life, never worked hard to get what he wants (according to Mark Cuban, btw), and now thinks he can glide in to the office of the most powerful person on Earth BECAUSE he's Donald J. trump.

Seriously. This is no longer about Democrat vs. Republican. It's not about Clinton vs. trump, either. This is about the stupidity of American running rampant, with it's crap music and even crappier reality TV. These are the American Idiots who've placed the Kardashians on a pedestal, who watch "Real Housewives of…" and actually THINK it's real!!!! These are the "people" who want "their America back", deaf to the reality of why America exists in the first place. These are the "stupid" of our country, and they've been running it in to the ground long enough.

In fact, Donald J. trump might be a blessing in disguise (of a moldy, three week old orange?). This November can become a mandate against the American Idiots. If trump is absolutely blown out of existence in the General Election -- I mean, an historic drubbing -- by the "smart" of this nation (both red and blue… political affiliation is no longer important), then it will be some time before the stupidity of this nation can once again rise in power and voice. Smarts should ALWAYS beat stupidity! One should never allow a stupid person to beat them in any way, under any circumstances…. NEVER.

This election is about the intelligents opening a can of whupass on the idiots, and putting them in their place. Yes, it IS time to take back America… and show the idiotic underbelly of this country where they belong.

Completely Mixified (aka, the Mixify Campaign is stupid)

So, let's be crystal clear for a moment.

What we've got here are companies who have, for over a century, generated a massive percentage of their wealth pushing liquified sugar to the masses, and the ABA, the main lobbying association for all things sugary and liquidy.... playing missionaries for a healthy, well-rounded lifestyle.

And soda is the key ingredient?

Hey. At least they're, if nothing else, frighteningly consistent...

And the American public is buying this load of steaming mon(k)ey crap????

It's not even "sugar and water" anymore -- at the very LEAST both are natural ingredients your body can process. What it IS, is "carbonated water and liquid corn syrup"... check that... "carbonated water and high fructose corn syrup".  Well, it 'is" corn, right?  And corn is a vegetable. The "high fructose" must mean it's of premium grade. And water is good for you. So, perhaps I'm steaming over for nothing. 

SODA IS HEALTHY. The beverage conglomerates have got it right.

No, they do not.

Not even close.

I'm really shocked my friend Brenda Rex has yet to go Chernobyl on this ad campaign. There is nothing healthy in soda. Even the water, carbonated, is degenerative to your system. The corn syrup is not recognized as "sugar" inside your body, and processed differently. As a consequence, it is more readily absorbed into your bloodstream and may lead to obesity and liver disease... waitaminute....

Soda and alcohol do the same thing to your body? 

Yep.

So, while daddy pounds the booze and kills his liver, son can down his Pepsi and ALSO kill his liver.

I love family togetherness.

I'm assuming the ultimate end game of this campaign is for a healthier youth, an image the corn industry and the ABA can point to with a judgmental finger and proclaim "See??? THEY drink soda, and they're FINE!!! Soda... is... healthy!"

As for me? I'll resist the temptation to believe the greed, and stick to my filtered water and occasional Anejo tequila.,,, which, by the way, is HEALTHIER than soda.

What will they think of next.

Accountants, New York City, and Hockey

I have a client. A good client, A cordial and compassionate client. Several projects into 2014, and it's been an absolute joy in conducting business with this firm, as well as the project manager who's called me time and time again for my illustration talents. Certainly, there are quite a few options when nestled deep in the heart of New York City, and I consider myself fortunate to have built such a relationship over the years with this company, that they'd reach out to the Left Coast for their illustrative needs.

And, for the duration of our partnership, the money has been very fair, and predictable in its arrival.

Then the Kings won the Stanley Cup.

Check that, the Kings beat the NEW YORK RANGERS to win the Stanley Cup.

And just like that, a $1400 invoice vanished. Then was resent at the request of their accounting department. Then not processed "ASAP", as they had stated would be the case. Then stalled. Then the check not yet cut ("just one more week", noted an email two weeks after the apologetic ASAP email). I jokingly suggested there might be a few Rangers fans working the assembly line down thar in the money trenches.

Now, I'm beginning to think the comment as less a playful jab, and more of a straight hook bulls-eye.

Seriously! I'm absolutely CONVINCED half of their accounting crew lost big bucks on the 4 to 1 series thump-job. And as the Tweets rain in as Lord Stanley's Cup makes its way across SoCal, their rage increases tenfold. Now comes along an invoice for some artsy jerk from L.A. And their mindset flips from "process"...

... to "revenge!"

I can visualize the yahoos as I type these words, toasting themselves with their Pabst Blue Ribbon or Michelob or whatever those f**ks drink in New York, laughing between drags of their Kool cigs (or whatever the f**k they smoke in NYC), amused at the inconsequential artsy Angeleno gripping that his check is nowhere to be found. As they stumble home to inhabit their century-old, oil-heated, mind-blowingly expensive shithole apartments, they smile in delight knowing I am suffering.

But I'm not. In fact, the joke's on them... I'll be fine. The money will come (albeit tardy a month), and as I wait I shall draw. The chug MeisterBrau (or whatever the f**k it is they drink), while I click my mechanical pencil and go at 'em. The above toon is one of many I have promised -- until the money arrives.

See, accountants get drunk. They've got the creative genius of a clam. Artists don't require alcohol to get a buzz. All they need is talent.

And a reason to use it.

Is THIS The Ultimate "Hipster Pic"????

Is the above photo the "ultimate" L.A. hipster pic?

That, of course, is open for an opinion of which not the least involves one's independent interpretation of what "defines" a hipster. My personal viewpoint first resides with an absolute lack of sincerity: a phony blend of unsubtle fad fashion cues mixed with selfish disregard for anybody but themselves.  It's their world and they'll do what they want, which is fine most of the time -- until they stumble into a cafe half-conscious from a late night bender, non-clean judging from the stench of Patchouli oil overload to mask their body oder, speak very loudly, begin playing a guitar, and generally assume complete control of a piece of heaven you USED to call a relaxing Sunday morning.

Another personal criteria is an appearance of absolute frivolity. With no real job, possession of a "daddy leased" Beemer or Benz with its compliment fuel card of which magically pays itself off every month, credit cards which also magically pay themselves off every month (must be made of a special plastic, eh?), and secure cache of family friends who can land them a job if needed, what care in the world might they hold?

Save the Earth? The Earth's been here billions of years, and will be here long after we're gone.

Save the whales? Why not... and never mind that fam vacay to Japan last year, which was described in various Tweets as "super awesome" and "this is my fav place in teh wurld EVR!" You know Japan slaughters whale.....right?

Back to the photo. Interpretations may vary, but the "standard candles" are all there. It's got everything required to qualify as the quintessential representation of all that is SoCal Hipster.

I mean, EVERY single ingredient is there:

1. It's from the Max Landis Facebook page (he's above left from the "bear"), who himself is a Hollywood rich kid with nothing better to do with his life but pull sh*t like this all day long.

2. His friends wear beanies indoors.

3. Mocking The Last Supper, which is in line with typical hipster "hate disguised as humor" takes.

4. Every single human(oid?) in that photo appears to emanate from family wealth... which means they lack the necessary mental tools required to fully comprehend,  and therefore understand, reality.

5. Opulent surroundings -- luxurious furniture and appointments -- intertwined with cheap take out pizza and 6-pack beer.  And, while we're on the topic of "beer"....

6. The chick wearing the King Cobra tee. Doubt she's EVER roamed a mean street in her life.

7. A minimum of ONE (1) person wearing non-prescription glasses for fashion purposes alone.

8. Somebody in a stupid costume that makes no sense in comparison to the content.

9. Blow-out tees.

10. Not one guy appears to have ever set foot in a gym at any time in their lives.

11. At least TWO (2) Tomboy chicks.

12. Expressions of angst.

13. Fake lesbians.

14. Colorful skinny jeans (this is assumed)

15. A repressed gut feeling you'd like to leap into the photo and kick somebody's ass.

Like I said, it's got it all, and it's MY nominee as the ultimate Hipster Pic of 2014.

Quasi Chick

Koch Bottle

TUPAC WAS RIGHT!! TYT isn't the problem...

Last time out, I conceived my vision of the TYT headquarters -- a ramshackle treehouse enclosing a neighborhood club of brats trying to start some shit, but failing miserably. Actually, the illustration was for a children's book I'm penciling, but the concept of TYT utilizing a space of re-purposed lumber and poorly hammered nails for their production meeting perfectly corresponds to their current state of social media outreach -- haphazard and chaotic, with no clear vision or voice. It was, and still is, a poli-social cartoon emphasizing the continuing issue of the liberal media incapable of simply "getting it together".

Then, THIS happened, compliments of a blogger named Tumic:

Classic case of sour grape syndrome. If you hate TYT and their supposedly self righteous agenda, then why are you so butthurt about them ignoring you? Why bother asking to contribute to them at all? They're New Age Hippies, pseudo progressives yadda yadda - then why lend your talent to these hacks, right? No - you had no issue with them at all when you thought there was a chance they would accept your art. 

Funny that you devote an entire post and cartoon to bashing TYT, trying to call them out as douches, despite the fact that you're the one hurling insults. Do you really think that their ignoring your requests was out of malice?

No. They get a lot of mail, and it's probably hard for them to respond to it all. As an artist who has faced rejection time and time again, sour grapes and acting like a jilted crybaby is highly unattractive to prospective patrons. Grow a pair.

I take Tumeric's words to heart, for in a creepy, mother's basement kind of manner, he's correct. I'm certain those UCLA interns are too busy TXTing their BFFs to concern themselves with a massive envelope full of cartoons. He's probably right that "ignoring" my snail-mail and e-mail submissions wasn't malicious in the least, but rather a network so terribly busy at the present moment that it's difficult to respond to every inquiry.

But alas, Tupac is missing the point completely.... the point being TYT, as stated in the first paragraph, can't "get it together". Not responding to my e-mails and my packet of print cartoons, even with something as sterile as a form letter, illustrates (pardon the pun) a mismanagement prevalent in left-wing media. While FoxNews has their shit in order, running as smoothly and effortlessly as a any propaganda machine in recent memory, the Liberal Left is scattershot. While I'm no fan of Fox, if TYT decided to mimic their strategy, but skew it to the left, they might have something brewing. Instead, they hurl anything they can get their hands on at the wall... and if it sticks, they use it.

One thing Tumor points out, of which I COMPLETELY agree with, is the "targeted approach" in the last cartoon. I should not, as Tuberculosis pointed out, bite the media hand of whom may potentially feed me (he wasn't as eloquent as that, mind you). So, in response to Tubeworm's concerns, I will create a fictitious liberal media platform, called TIT, or The Integrity Tribe. Currently, there is no such network, so bashing said "network" is an exercise in futility and 100% safe. Beginning with the above toon, any future focus upon the circus act also known as the sloppy liberal media shall be directed upon T.I.T.

Time for a little TITy action!!!

The Young Turks Production Meeting #1

An example of what happens when a cartoonist submits snail-mail submissions, email submissions, and a multitude of Twitter and Facebook connections, without so much as a peep in response. No email reply, no "likes", no sanitary "rejection form letter" in the mail.... nothing!

The cartoonist turns on you. What was once viewed as a growing network that might possibly utilize the talents of a social commentary cartoonist for the purposes of extending their reach, is now glared upon as nothing more than a bunch of hipster liberal snot-knockers so enamored with self-righteousness that the simplest of courtesy gestures -- such as responding to an eager cartoonist with a form letter -- is met with disdain, and scoffed upon as a waste of precious time.

A blessing in disguise of a sort.  I'm finding it far easier to tear off massive chunks of ultra-left "progressive" bullshit than when I had my proverbial sights set upon the ultra-right.

Face it, New Age Hippies -- you're just "funnier'.

THE MODERN WOMAN AND WHY SO MANY OF THEM ARE ALONE

Just let the man be the man.

When he opens a door for you, or wishes to take the task of carrying things off your hands, PLEASE don't pull some "I'm-a-strong-lion-goddess-and-I-can-do-it-on-my-own" neo-spiritualistic self love garbage. Just let him be the man, if only for a moment. Really, it's just as much for him as it is for you.

Worse yet, DO NOT mock his chivalry after the fact. Just be thankful the dwindling few who feel you're worth the effort still give a damn.

In the realm of the "New Age Hippie", self-sustenance (with a not too subtle hint of projectionism) has over-written the ingress and egress of social etiquette. Not too long in the past a woman could find herself on a date holding nothing more than a clutch, enveloping her phone, some make-up, and house keys. Money and transportation was the man's problem... and men were okay with that.

Now, if a man as so much hints at flipping the bill, he's due for a next-level flip-out, courtesy of the woman he (up until now) would never dream of NOT treating like a queen. Within moments of "What... is THIS how you're gonna get me to "lose" my Lululemons?! Is THIS your plan", his only "plan" is how to end this date as economically and efficiently as possible... then "lose" her number.

No man enjoys walking on eggshells, thinking that any chivalrous act may be misconstrued as a nefarious plot for cheap sex. A counterpoint: sometimes that's exactly what it is. However, unless it's a blind date, said woman should know enough about the man to gauge his kindness and generosity. If he prefers wearing skin with his Drakkar, loves gold jewelry (on him), and rolls in a dropped Benz -- then perhaps the correction isn't with the man as so much as her choice of the man in the first place.

Let the man be the man. It makes him happy... and makes your life a helluva lot easier.

The Hipster...Explained

NAACP(OS): The National Association for the Advancement of Crooked P.O.S.'s

FLORIDA IN DANGER OF SEPARATION, SAYS EXPERTS

The state of Florida is in grave danger of possibly separating from the mainland due to a recently discovered subterranean "cave bridge". Jules Verne-like submarine "strange".

AP -- A recently discovered map found in a chest of collectables, carbon-dated to approximately 1855, illustrates the passage of an ancient submarine passing beneath the northern section of the Florida "penninsula" (noted as Westland on the map). The map appeared to be something of a novelty... that is, until underwater  topography of the region obtained from a NASA GPR satellite suggests that, in fact, there may very well be truth behind this mysterious page of parchment -- and with it some real-world fear.

"The areas where this submarine-looking vehicle enters and exits the Florida peninsula, between St. John and St. Augustine from the Atlantic, and Deadman Bay from the Gulf, are noted for their ever-changing, sedimentary coastal sea beds, a fact that might have contributed to a discovery of such a cave bridge being unattended to until now," explains Joe Nigro (I swear that's his name... look him up), a geographic information systems specialist and archaeologist by training.  "NASA utilized ground penetrating radar, or GPR, to uncover what appears to be a sea cave that bridges both coastlines, or a 'cave bridge', hidden beneath the sediment".

But the excitement was soon replaced by a growing concern that this cave bridge, length-wise crossing a state already known to be weakly connected to the mainland, might sever Florida from the contiguous 48 in the event of a powerful Hurricane striking the region between Two Saints and Deadman Bay.

The uplift from the low pressure eye might "snap" Florida in two, with the lower half slipping off the continental shelf. It is thought that the drop of the Blake Plateau, on the Atlantic side, would veer the state east in such an event, ultimately leading the land mass to the inescapable depths of the Blake Escarpment, where (according to experts) the entire state may be devoured by the Atlantic Ocean.

But not everybody is convinced of this untimely demise.

Barry "Boon" Dokkes, of the Southeastern States Field Office of the Bureau of Land Management,  raises concerns about the validity of the map. "Nobody questions that there may or may not have been submarines back in the 1850's. And nobody questions that such a submarine might resemble as such described by author Jules Verne  of Captain Nemo fame, who lived in the same period... but Kraken? Come on, people! That's ridiculous! It looks like a cartoonist drew it. This very well could have been a page from a children's book." He added: "So, we're saying that Florida is doomed because of a page from an ancient child's book? I'm not sure Amadeus ever drew children's books, " he confidently chuckled.

We think he meant Nostradamus.

He also noted such a cave bridge might really have been nothing more than a old deep water river. "All the captains needed to know was where the inlets were. Once you're on the river, there's no need for cartography, since it's only taking you to one place."

When asked if a deep water river can disappear in a little more than 150 years, Dokkes smirked and replied "Ask California."  When asked if Florida has ever endured drought conditions similar to California, he blurted, "Sure," and promptly ended the phone conversation.

But Sir Henry Hillhurst of the British Cartographic Society, owns a vastly different opinion. "In reviewing the satellite imagery, topographical and geological information of the region, as well as the map itself, I can confidently conclude that no deep water river ever existed where this cave bridge lies. The depth of it is disturbing, extending beyond what we consider to be the thin water table the state currently rests upon".

As for the style of art, Hillhurst noted that the French maps of the era were inferior to those of the British Navy, and routinely employed novices to ink the parchments. As for the Kraken image, Hillhurst exclaimed: "Completely factual. The British Navy has a long and dreadful history with these beasties of the deep." He added that the Blake Escarpment would be a perfect place to run across this most terrifying of creatures, a monster nearly as horrific as the "dragons of the coastal highlands".

Rick Scott, Governor of Florida, ha already alluded to "concerned Floridians" contacting his office, repeatedly asking about that incident where that "dang bunny done saw up in half".  Scott's office calmly noted that such an event was nothing more than an old Bugs Bunny cartoon and nothing more.

WHY NOBODY TAKES LIBERAL MEDIA SERIOUSLY: PART 1 OF 275

The Locked and Loaded Boy: A Poem

Fox News Is My Tutor (a cartoon for the textually challenged)

Denver's Post-Doobie Crime Decline -- A Theory in Cartoon Form

CNN Slams Malaysian Times For "Simple Solution" to MH370 Disappearance

AP -- Today, CNN publicly chastised the online Malaysian Times for running a front page cartoon suggesting, utilizing humor aimed specifically at CNN's coverage, that the disappearance of Malaysian Air Flight 370 was the work of alien creatures staging their own reality television program.

"They took a shot at Discovery Channel as well, but that network is widely known for their embellished reality fare. CNN is an entirely different story... pardon the pun," exclaimed Assistant News Director Charlie Mangles, with the kind of disgruntled yet cleverly manipulated dialogue premeditating the possibility of legal action in the near future.

"We've worked tirelessly through all hours, day and night, to offer the kind of overly-extensive coverage only a 24 hour news network can provide," added Mangles. "Certainly, when Jon Stewart cracked his whip at us, it was entirely expected... but the respected Malaysian Times? CNN can only assume it was a diversionary tactic to cover the foregone conclusion that their air traffic system, as well as their airline standards, are amongst the poorest in the world".

He added that Erin Burnett's "Out Front" program was in the midst of creating a two-hour special on this cover-up, and that the front page cartoon in question had been added late for "discussion punch".

Within the mix is Jon Stewart, noted Politcomedian and host of the popular "Daily Show". Stewart had no comment on his name being mentioned at the center of this melee. According to the reporter at the other end of the incredibly short telephone interview, Stewart either seemed "to be in a considerable amount of pain", or "laughing really hard". The reporter wasn't 100% sure of either. CNN later speculated that Stewart had just undergone surgery to relieve a torn shoulder ligament stemming from throwing those blue index cards on his show "incorrectly".

According to CNN, Wolf Blitzer will have an update on Stewart's condition, complete with insightful infographics and Ph.D pundits,  on his "Situation Room" telecast this evening.

As for The Malaysian Times... no comment.

VEGANS AGAINST OBAMA SPEAK UP!!

AN OPEN LETTER TO BARACK OBAMA FROM THE VEGANS ALLIANCE

Dear President Barack Obama.

How DARE YOU.

Watching you step into a D.C Five Guys Burgers and proceed to order a herd's worth of cooked flesh as the video cameras captured every second of this moral carnage, nearly forced my raw quinoa to escape my perfectly alkalized stomach. It's accurate that vegans only account for .000000062% of the vote come November of 2016, but WE ARE, sir, a fierce and fiery bunch, and we will NOT, sir, take this spoonful of encrusted lard lightly.

Our movement is growing each day, like moss upon bark within a sustainable forest, and come the '15 campaign, our strength shall be unmatched. Despite radical claims that a vegan diet fails to intake the necessary proteins and vitamins to maintain a high level of cognitive thought and reasoning, our increasing number of members within VeAl are amongst to best-informed, the sharpest of tuned, most well-read, and possess the highest intelligence of any grassroots group. And, as 2018 approaches, any candidate attempting to coat-tail your success may find our pleas to disassociate from you the loudest and most ferment of voices.

We are liberal and would very much enjoy toting our Wheatgrass and Matcha smoothies to the polling stations in November of 2014, after our morning meditation, hike and yoga session, and casting our ballots for the Democratic candidate. Yet, we are at an impasse: We cannot vote for a party which openly supports Ted Nugent's blatantly woodland creature-murdering, flesh-devouring ways; yet, we ALSO cannot vote for a party which supports a President snacking on the dead, hacked, and processed meat of what was once a happy, go-lucky cow who hadn't a care in the world. We also cannot vote for perennial outsider Jack, considering his affiliation with a similar fast food burger chain.

We would openly support the Libertarian candidate.... if we knew who it was.

So, what are we to do? You, sir, have placed us in an unenviable position to simply NOT vote come 2019. As Americans, we are saddened at the prospect of this reality. Yet, our faith in upholding such a devout belief supersedes and and all freedoms bestowed upon us AS American citizens.

But, all is not lost, Mr. President. My friend EarthGoddessDeborahh owns a Raw Vegan restaurant called NOMaste, just a few blocks south of that particular Five Guys location. Visiting her restaurant as the cameras roll would definitely offset the "nearly" indefensible actions on your part that terrible day when you feasted upon the remains of defenseless creatures.

Her number is (202)EARTHGD. Doing so shall reestablish the ever-growing.000000055% of the Vegan vote that just might tip the scales toward a Democratic victory in 2013!

Thank you, and God Bless American

Devon
Lion Goddess, Vegan Alliance (VeAl)

The Aussies Try Something New in Locating MH370

I'm a rotten American. Rotten to the core!

Recently, when news broke that the Australians were considering using their fleet of submarines to help locate the missing Malaysian Air flight 370, a nugget of trivial, ignorant thought raced through my mind at slot car speed:

Australia..... has SUBMARINES????

My apologies for owning such an isolationist mindset, as if the good ol' USA is the only country on planet Earth technologically advanced enough to build a fleet of subs that actually work. Of course, Russia, the UK, France, maybe Japan (if Toyota builds them), and China (from stolen blueprints) all have submarines as well... and perhaps several countries utilizing WW2 hand-me-downs.

But Australia?

I envision Australia as the land of bikinis, barbeques, rugby, jellyfish that kill people, spiders that kill people, and gargantuan hopping mice -- the last one according to classic animation, of which us Americans derive everything we need to know about the world surrounding us.  It's a place of fun, free-spirited people with perpetual tans, fantastic personalities, and the occasional decent movie. Many celebrities emanate from Australia, apparently owning a sense of taste and fashion upon arrival. So it's safe to assume they've acclimated themselves to fine dining and designer label while still in Australia, which means Australia has restaurants and clothing stores, too.

Of course, I'm kidding around. Australia is a fantastic continent-unto-itself. One of the great destinations of the world, and a country I'd very much love to visit one day. And, in hindsight, naturally they field a modern, technologically-advanced  naval fleet.

 For, if they didn't, those box jellyfish wold encapsulate their island nation in a hurry.