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Monday, January 14, 2013

Sticker Shock

Sometimes, you just HAVE to wonder. Let your creative mind solve a riddle too perplexing for simple logic to grasp and decipher.  Such was the case yesterday. A Cadillac Escalade cut me off, obviously en route to somewhere far more important than safety concerns would allow. Ahead of me, he honked and brights-tapped a slower vehicle traveling, like myself, well above the posted speed limit. No time for niceties, he cut to the left, on the WRONG side of the road, passed the Acura -- flipping him off in an amazing feat of multi-tasking -- and continued onward.

The first thing in my mind was: "late to a meeting", judging by the automobile driven. The second excuse was: "family emergency", judging by the "family line-up" stickers on his back window. Wherever he was headed, time MUST have been at the bare minimum.

El Pollo Loco.

No. I'm not saying he drives like a crazy chicken. THAT'S where he was going!

Perhaps he was dying of hunger. So, I followed him (I really had nothing better to do at that particular moment), my curiosity getting the best of me. He parked, leisurely exited his land yacht, and casually walked to the restaurant. Y'know, maybe it's just me, and I'm not 100% sure of this -- but I wouldn't think a man literally starving to death would've strolled nearly as nonchalantly.  And if he needed to use a restroom, the same.

Conclusion = Insufferable asshat!

And that family stick figure line-up... what kind of dad would one imagine him to be?  If he threatened the role of "car plow" to any vehicle between him and his delicious flame-grilled chicken, what if his son doesn't toss a perfect game in his little league debut, or his daughter wants to be a lesbian, or his wife cannot satisfy his every pleasure?

Unfortunately, people like this DO exist. Surrounded by Yes Men, the sole breadwinner of the household, and thus an important person in his mind. He owns that ride, he owns his family, he owns that road, and he owns that piece of flame-grilled chicken.

What he probably DOESN'T own is a vinyl cutter -- but I do! Wouldn't be a bad time to construct a little "family stick figure" set of my own, and keep it inside my vehicle, to be applied at the opportune moment.

Just in case.