It's been rumored, as it was when she originally conducted the voluntary surgery, that Angelina Jolie has (once again) waffled on something that simply cannot be flipped as readily as an iHop pancake.
The source (NOT Perez Hilton) claims a man and a woman, with 23 children en tow, who looked suspiciously like a homeless Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie -- if they raided Western Costumes "Fashionista Skid Row" department, as well as the local Mercedes Benz dealership.... in addition to the local orphanage -- entered a popular Hollywood prosthetics company this week, asking about "fake flesh that feels real and can hold milk". Perplexed, the manager directed the couple and their Benetton army to a dairy farm just outside of Los Angeles. Miffed, the couple and their 22 children marched off, boarded their semi, and departed in haste (according to the source, one of them blurted "oooo, cowsies mommy Angie" and was summarily scarified for the sake of the ruse).
The rig, dubbed "The Freedom Barge" by the tabloids due to the large quantity of adopted foreign children who ride it, later appeared at Rick Baker's Monster Make-Up House. Behind closed doors, as their 21 children purged their energy playing street hockey with fake body parts, negotiations (again, allegedly) turned heated as Baker repeatedly pointed and gawked at the "homeless woman who looked just like Angelina Jolie's" chest area, as the "homeless man who looked just like Brad Pitt" barked in retaliation. Meanwhile, the "20 homeless kids who look just like homeless kids" took sides and placed bets. Soon, the army was on its way -- and again, empty chested.
A double mastectomy is a serious commitment, born of many hours, days, or perhaps weeks of dedicated thought process and expert consultation. Or, in the case of the Hollywood elite, over a power nosh at Soho House and a midday bender. What might be construed as a brilliant idea on Monday may, like so many overly-managed Hollywood flops, morph into a massive miscalculation by Friday. It seems Ms. Jolie's advisory board very well could have consisted of a rail-thin feminist, an alimony-stricken plastic surgeon, a narcissistic publicist, a Monsanto executive (since they're inherently evil, no matter what... allegedly), and the Goddess Gwendolicious Neebong, famed Thai fortune telling cross-dresser to the stars, whose hatred for any kind of milk product is infamous.
As the legend continues.
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