Hooligan Youth Keys New Aston Martin... Nobody Cares

At the unveiling (at the very least, the San Fernando Valley unveiling) of the 2014 Aston Martin Rapide S, I witnessed an act of unbridled aggression so heinous, so brutal and non-classifiable, that it deserves mention within the annals of this blog.

Just after the uncloaking of the new Aston super sedan, which was just after an hourlong sermon from Speed Channel's Justin Bell about... well.... himself (typical Brit), which was just after gorging myself on whores -- check that... hors devours, I found myself instigating one of those Hollywood double takes you find in select Rob Schneider flicks and old Keystone Cops shorts. It was unbelievable. 12 hours later, as I write this, I STILL can't believe it.

Some fool let an 8 year old hooligan into the event, and a sparkling new $220,000 super sedan paid the price.

It was just after the cover came off the Rapide S, a 550 bhp quad door rocket ship, that the pint sized punk approached from the port side, whipped out what appeared to be a small pocket knife, blurted "Ireland!!!" and gutted the paint off the pig's right rear door. He then spat on it, and casually trotted off toward the yummies table to feast on tarts and pie.

Many people witnessed it. Nobody cared.

I honestly believed most thought it to be an inclusion of the proceedings. Some, who did not directly note the act, mentioned something about "shoddy British build quality". One woman even went so far as to point at the gouge, look at her sugar daddy, and ask, "What does that do?"

Later, I approach the child, apparent by this time to be a loner, as he whaled away at destroying the yummies kiosk of anything chocolate-based. I asked why he'd pull a stunt like that.

His response, which wasn't much of a response at all, after spitting on my shoes, "I'm covering my paws with melted chocolate. Then I'm hitting up the inside of that 350 grand Vanquish and ruining that bitch! And nobody's gonna care because I'm a kid and I know no better. Ain't that the tits an milk, ay!!!!"

The innocence of childhood. I miss those days.